Do you use your keyboard’s Menu key? The one with a picture of a menu and a cursor. All it does is bring up the context menu. It was introduced at the same time as the Windows key but didn’t get the same press, probably because its effect couldn’t compare to the indignity of having a Windows logo affixed to nigh every computer user’s keyboard, their choice of OS notwithstanding.

What good is this thing in practice? For awhile I figured this would be an awesome way to correct typos while typing, since the context menu has corrections. Mistype, menu key, enter, keep typing. But alas, spell checkers notice misspellings after the word has lost focus, so the Menu key isn’t really practical for this use.

So what is this thing for? Does anyone use their Menu key? Was it just another button to add to already-overcrowded keyboards along with the overwhelmingly useful ones like “open web browser” and “shut down”? Maybe that’s why the delightfully simple Apple keyboards don’t have it?

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Today I asked myself a question that every man must ask himself once in awhile. If I were to buy a sweet outfit on the Internet, and money was no object, what would I buy? Here is my answer to that question.

Balmain Shirt

$1625

Honestly this part is going to be covered up so it’s just for comfort. The ventilation is what makes it.

Dsquared Shorts

$555

Denim shorts have long been a bold way of saying “I give up” but Dsquared is bringing them back. The fix? Turn them into 90% boxers.

Damir Doma Oversized Black Semi-Sheer Zip Through ‘Ovum’ Jumpsuit with distinctive Damir Doma tape detailing

$2657.21

Now this item is all about aesthetics. Though this guy is swimming in it, I’m completely sure this will be a perfect complement to my body type.

Raf Simmons Boots

$940

Now I admit I am not a boot connoisseur but I know the trend right now is boots with a lot of buckles. This offering from Raf Simmons seemed like a good number of buckles for my money.

A Bathing Ape Teriyaki Source Sunglasses

???

Now these are just awesome. Actually, you know, this post is supposed to be satirical. These sunglasses are too legitimately awesome. I’m going to have to go with something else.

Martin Margiela Mono Lens

$447.60

That’s better.

The Outfit

Alright, great picks, but how does it look? Here we go:

Total cost:  $6224.80

A man can dream, can’t he?

When I threw out my last printer, I didn’t realize that it would be my last. I had it in the back of my mind that I would eventually replace it. This was years ago. It has finally dawned on me that I’ll never own a printer again. Printers have become obsolete for me, and I didn’t even notice.

For awhile I’d have an occasional a panic: Oh crap! I need to print these concert tickets. Well, maybe I can just show them the confirmation email on my phone. Yep, it works. Anyone who requires physical tickets will mail them to you.

Oh no! I have to print tickets for my flight tomorrow. Nope. Swipe your credit card at the kiosk and your boarding passes are spat out instantly.

Every time I thought I needed a printer, I was wrong. Clearly things are only going to get more digital from here on out, so I don’t think this is going to change.  Sure, some printers must exist. The world isn’t done with them yet. But I sure am.

I’ll call this post my eulogy for the home printer. My first printer, affectionately known as “The Blizzard,” printed out many a fine computer science homework assignment for me. Well, I could have just printed them in the lab, but still. It was fun while it lasted.

Robert Biswas-Diener wrote an article on CNN coining the term “incubator” for people who seem like procrastinators but are actually a different breed. I felt that this article described my own work habits perfectly.

Incubators have a clear sense of deadlines, gets things done on time, and produce quality work. Before performing an important task, such as writing a term paper, they engage in an incubation phase that is necessary for their process. It looks like slacking off, but their mind is constantly brewing, preparing information for the outpouring of effort to come.

I always knew that I work this way, and that other people are like me. What I like about this article, though, is that Robert decided to give a name to it. From the article:

For most incubators, having a label that is less pejorative than “procrastinator” can be a breath of fresh air.

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Google just introduced a new product called Buzz. I’ll save you a lengthy explanation of the service since you’ve probably already heard it, but basically it is a status tool like Twitter with better media and service integration.

It feels like this is a long time coming, due to the popularity of Twitter and the existence of another competitor’s similar product with the same name. But this move seems to have confused a few people. What does this mean for Wave?

While I’ve heard some opinions that Buzz is the replacement for a failed Wave, I think the opposite is true. Displacing email with Wave is a long-term strategy for a daunting task. Further, Wave is still being developed and is only in the “preview” phase. It is too soon to judge its success.

Buzz seems to be more of a transition than a replacement. Completely switching from email (even Gmail) to Wave is nearly impossible in a world so reliant on email to do, well, everything. Buzz, on the other hand, does a better job sitting alongside email (quite literally) as an enhancement. It doesn’t replace email, it expands it to do a lot of what Wave does.

More people will adopt Buzz than Wave at this point in the game, and it will nicely teach them the new communication model. Wave won’t seem so foreign anymore. And don’t be surprised if you see Buzz integrated into Wave too. Switching to Wave will be much easier if many of your existing conversations come along with you.

I’m very interested in seeing how this plays out, since email is badly broken and it is time for the Internet to get an upgrade.